Airing of Grievances

The first time we met, on a chilly October morn, Laura Neuman and I did not get along very well. Laura is the relatively new CEO of the Howard County Economic Development Authority. I left the meeting feeling a little unsettled.

In retrospect, it was a great meeting.

I carried some baggage into the meeting. Her predecessor, Dick Story and I, hit it off right off the bat. He went on to hold the job for nearly 18 years. I considered him to be a friend when he was a servant of the public; nowadays, he’s a competitor and our relationship is now in what I’d describe as a transition phase.

Herb Weber may have had it right. Years ago, when I was living in Northern California, Herb and Susan Weber were my neighbors. Like most people I became acquainted with on the left coast, they were transplanted easterners. They were from New York. The real New York. I’m talking Brooklyn.

In a very short period of time in his young married life, Herb went from being a blue collar guy delivering lobsters to the Salomon Brothers training program. His street smarts, wit and charm carried him on from there to the higher ranks of global investment banking.

Everybody liked Herb, but Herb had a secret. One day, while out fishing and drinking beers, we started discussing professional relationships.

“I start off hating everyone I meet,” he said, “that way, I’m never disappointed later.”

We had that conversation more than 20 years ago. I’ve never forgotten it. I’ve always been more of the sort who takes the opposite approach, but I found Herb’s approach to new people oddly alluring.

Last month, on XMPR, Bob Edwards interviewed the man behind the Festivus holiday, Dan O’Keefe. When writing for the TV series “Seinfeld,” he inserted references to an O’Keefe family tradition he dubbed Festivus. Festivus, he explained, was a day for the airing of grievances with the family. The concept seems to have touched a nerve.

Celebrations of Festivus are now global. It has even entered the boardroom. Paul Skalny, the managing member of the DARS Law Group, recently told me that one of his employees had put in Festivus as one of that person’s floating holidays. The problem is that Festivus is a non-secular holiday; floating holidays were really intended to accommodate an otherwise dizzying calendar of Saints-this and Martyrs-that days.

Non-secular is very big these days. A recent study by University of Virginia sociologist Bradford Wilcox found that church attendance among well-educated young people is dropping like the sword of Damocles. Brad reports that, among young white people between the ages of 25 and 44, church attendance dropped from 51% to 46%. Curiously, he didn’t study the traits of well-educated young black or Latino church attendees. In an article in the The Huffington Post by Nicole Neroulias, Brad explained that “African-Americans and Latinos don’t have the same kinds of education disparities. Researchers haven’t examined possible regional differences yet, or which denominations have been hit hardest by the trend.”

Personally, I think it’s just that their churches have better music.

But I digress.

Paul hasn’t decided yet how he’ll deal with the Festivus request. As his friend, I am encouraging him to embrace the concept. A day dedicated to the airing of grievances could be very cathartic in a non-secular world, therefore better for the health and welfare of his employees. It’s healthy to get this stuff out there, right on the table, and then try and figure out what to do with it.

That’s kind of how Laura Neuman and I started out. It was real, a little raw, not real friendly. Certainly more like cordial than huggy.

That being said, positions were clearly stated and mutually understood. Laura is a seasoned executive. She’s dealt with far sharper folks than the likes of me, I suspect.

Three weeks later, Laura joined Paul and I on our podcast, “and then there’s that ….”

I’m guessing that when she saw that date coming up on her calendar, she didn’t exactly see it as the highlight of her week. It would be the first time we’d really talked to each other since our mutual airing of grievances. I wasn’t sure how it would go.

I needn’t have worried. It went well. We even laughed together a couple of times.

I would not go as far as to say that Laura and I are now chummy or anything but, for me at least, we now seem to understand each other a little better. It’s taken me much longer to get there with some of my other notable acquaintances.

I’m all over this airing of grievances thing, so this year, on Dec. 23, I’m celebrating Festivus, somewhere where others wish to do the same.

Wherever I go, I’m inviting Laura, too.

Dennis Lane co-hosts “and then there’s that…,” a biweekly local news podcast on hocomojo.com, and blogs about stuff around here at wordbones.com. He can be reached at wordbones@verizon.net.